a piñata would really sweeten the deal

Wednesday is the Queen's birthday. Tomorrow she will deliver a lengthy speech at the palace to an audience of 20,000 people - an audience of which I'll be a part.

Like every other event C--- School has dealings in, this one brings its own Thai craziness.

We were told about the dress code on Thursday or Friday - right before leaving for our weekend away - so we had almost no time to go shopping for the prescribed attire.

The Queen's color is blue, so we must wear blue. And a suit.

You did bring a suit, didn't you?

No. No, we didn't.

We didn't bring suits because we were expressly instructed by Prof. Mueller not to pack suits, because (and she emphasized this point) we'd have no need for suits.

Well, you must wear a suit, if you can find one.

One girl brought her suit jacket from home anyway, and a couple of people made it to a tailor to be measured before we left on Friday.

Oh, and by the way, you mustn't wear black...

Black is the color of mourning here, making it unsuitable for a birthday...

...and no gray either.

Because gray is... what? Black's ugly cousin? So, in the event that you decide to have a suit tailor-made for this shindig, you mustn't pick out the two most versatile and wearable colors. Heaven forbid you're able to wear this outfit again for a job interview.

My second gripe is that we were told to wear pantyhose.

Did I mention this speech takes place outdoors? And will last anywhere from one to three hours? In the hottest part of the day?

Yeah. Because in a crowd of 20,000 people at 2 in the afternoon, the Queen is going to notice and/or care that some farang teachers aren't wearing suit jackets and pantyhose.

To all this stuffiness I say, "Whatever!"