faster than a speeding... something

In preparation for Fathers' Day, I wanted my students to draw pictures of their fathers as superheroes. I plan to use their pictures to decorate a poster I'm making for Wednesday's Fathers' Day festivities.

I began class today by asking kids to name some superheros.

Batman! Superman! Spiderman! Supergirl! Ben 10!
"And what makes superheros different from other people?"
Superpowers!
"That's right! Can anyone name a superpower?"

One hand shot up -- an especially precocious student named Janjao. "The United States?!" she cried out.

"Not what I meant, but have a sticker."

monkeys and flowers in lopburi

I can only tolerate so much Bangkok at a time. It had been over a month since I'd left town, so on Sunday I set my sights on Lopburi: home to thousands of monkeys and endless sunflower fields.

Every year, this primate-infested town holds a feast for the monkeys at some temple ruins. My colleagues and I got there by noon, just in time to watch them have a milk break. Did you know monkeys can drink through straws? I didn't.

They're thieving little devils. We were warned not to wear jewelry, or carry anything that looks like food. One monkey snatched a container of hand sanitizer dangling from a rubber band on Simone's backpack. She tried to get it back, afraid he'd be poisoned, but he scampered up the side of a building and out of reach.

Next on the agenda was taking pictures in a sunflower field.

I had anticipated communication problems, and before we left in the morning I did an internet search for "sunflower" in Thai. No luck. I settled for drawing a little picture of a sunflower and hoped it would be sufficient.

Nonverbal communication worked remarkably well. I held out my scrap of paper to people and pointed to the sunflower. A ticket lady ushered us onto her bus, which was filled with colorful pictures of Hindu (?) gods.

She got off with us at a bus stop, motioned for us to wait, and asked a nearby satay vendor to let us know which bus to take to the sunflower fields.

We waited on a bench and chatted amongst ourselves until the bus came. It was packed, and we had to sit on a raised area directly above the engine. Not the most comfortable ride ever, but it was OK.

After 20 minutes or so of riding, we started seeing small sunflower fields. We got off on the side of the road.

It was one of the loveliest sights I've seen here. There were rows and rows of tall, beautiful yellow flowers stretching as far as I could see.

We hitched a ride in the back of a jackfruit truck down to a field bordered by some rocky hills.

It was definitely worth the three hours spent getting there from Bangkok and the threat of rabies.

bulletin board #4: november

This month's unit was simple past tense, kind of.



My next board is going to be Christmas themed!

100-meter dash

Some people here jog in nicely landscaped parks - little oases of green in a world made of concrete.

I, for one, prefer to take my exercise while tearing down a sidewalk in flip flops and a pencil skirt.

Today, I had in mind that I'd take a bus from work to the Suan Lum night bazaar before meeting Alyssa and Mariela to walk to our Wednesday night Bible study. The bus driver had other plans.

I found a seat and the fare collecting lady came to ask where I was going. When I told her, she started talking to me in Thai. I stared up at her with my clueless do-I-look-like-a-Thai-speaker-to-you? look. She kept talking. I gave her a helpless-sounding, "Mai ru kah" ("I don't understand"). She sighed, took my change, and handed me a ticket.

Thirty minutes into the ride, she signaled for me to get off. We were nowhere near the night bazaar and I was confused. "Go to Suan Lum??" I asked. She shook her head. What choice did I have? I couldn't ask what was happening, so I got off.

Annoyed, but needing the restroom, I walked across a granite plaza, up some steps, and through the glass doors of a shopping mall.

I took three steps inside and stopped. I felt I was forgetting something.

Cursing, I wheeled around and ran out the door, pausing on the steps to survey the traffic. I had to find that bus; it was driving away with a bag containing my brand new work shoes! I had only worn them twice.

I spotted the bus 40 yards ahead. Traffic was moving slowly. I wasn't about to let go of those shoes - not when they were within sight.

I ran as fast as my skirt would allow. My flip flops slapped the pavement. Motorcyle drivers and bystanders stared.

I swerved around pedestrians, sprinting like a mad woman, praying the traffic wouldn't pick up speed, and wondering how long I should commit to chasing a pair of shoes that only cost me $4.50.

Traffic stopped and I caught up. I dodged taxis, cars, and motorbikes and ran to the doors, knocking and gesturing wildly. The ticket lady looked at me as if to say, "You again?!"

She and the driver shook their heads. I kept waving until they opened the door. I pointed to my feet - "Shoes!!" - and pointed back to where I had been sitting. The lady walked back with me and laughed when she realized what I was on about. I retrieved my cheap footgear and panted all the way back to the mall.

franks a million

As I was standing by the office microwave this morning, waiting for my breakfast to heat up, I couldn't help but notice that Nummon was carefully unwrapping a hot dog from its paper.

It's 7:40am, mind you.

She smoothed the paper out on the table and put the hot dog down. She opened the bun. There was mayonnaise on it. Mayonnaise. On a hot dog. At 7:40 in the morning.

Call me culturally insensitive, but that's revolting.

Then, Erin walked over to the table. She had a bag of mini tangerines and was going around the office dispensing them. She offered one to Nummon, who made a face and said, "Fruit? In the morning?!"

Last week in pictures

I see weird things in Bangkok all the time, but I don't always have my camera ready to capture them. Here are a few serendipitous moments from last week:

This was taken at a small promotional event for the new Michael Jackson movie in a bookstore in the Siam Paragon mall.



I have no idea what a horse's head has to do with MJ.


Moving on.



Apparently, having Mickey Mouse's arse sewn to yours is a fashion statement.


An last, an ad on the BTS for a local fast food place. Wedged between some OK-looking spaghetti and a pretty cake is a box-o-weiners.



Because what respectable party spread doesn't include the family-sized box of franks sliced to look like flower blooms?

dictation!

My class has dictation time first thing on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings. The students have five words to study.

I call out three words for them to write in English and in Thai. Number four is used in a sentence, which they must listen to and write correctly. For the last word, they must come up with their own sentence.

Today's dictation words were all job-related.

"Number one: farmer. Farmer. Faaaaarmerrr."
"Teechah is a farmer."
"No, teacher is not a farmer. I've never farmed a thing in my life. Number two: dancer. Dancer. Dancer."
"Teechah is a cleaner."
"I'll make you think cleaner, kid. Number three: vet. Vet. Vet."
"Teechah is a zookeeper!!"
"More than you know, Poom. More than you know..."

par-tay

Last night I was reminded of why my students don't listen.

We were made to attend the 60th birthday/retirement party for three teachers from our school yesterday.

Two MCs started off the program with what I can only assume to be some cleverly-scripted banter. As our table of farangs sat watching them and eating our Pad Thai, I noticed that no one else was looking their way, much less listening to them.

The principal of the school (who's kind of a big deal) also got up to give a speech. Not a head turned; people just kept on with their dinner conversations.

The same thing happened at the Queen's birthday back in August. It baffled me just as much then as it did last night.

I don't know where I got the silly notion that if someone has a microphone, they're probably saying something important.

Later in the evening, alumni, students, and teachers gave performances ranging from beautiful to amusing to offensive to the ear.

The Prathom teachers did a traditional Thai dance, which was SO fun to watch. The women looked beautiful -- like painted dolls. We all agreed that Aekapol (a guy I teach with twice a week) was 10 times more graceful than any of us.

Next, one of the Chinese teachers did a traditional Chinese dance. She wore a gorgeous gown covered in light blue and gold sequins. The way she moved was mesmerizing. Sometimes her arms looked like cobras. Other times, her hands looked like twitterpated birds chasing each other.

Four male teachers ballroom danced together. One was wearing a dress made of a black trash bag covered in colorful paper flowers. We thought perhaps he was supposed to be a ladyboy. There was a female teacher in the same bag dress with a flower in her mouth, trying to get the attention of the dancing men. Not sure what the point of this skit was.

The final act was a traditional Thai song performed by one of the custodial staff. I can't imagine a world in which it would meet any criteria for beauty, but, inexplicably, everyone cheered as she sang the first few words. It was kind of like a nasal Tarzan yell. Really, no description can do justice to the sound, so I'll leave it at that.

But Mariela was right when she leaned over and said to me, "Just think: In all our lives, we'll never, ever attend another work party quite like this one."

in the lap of luxury

It's amazing how drastically my definition of "luxury" has changed in five months.

Alyssa, Mariela, and I had the privilege of apartment sitting for a woman in our small group this weekend. I was eager to get away, as the furniture in my apartment was scheduled to be treated for mold.

All weekend I was thrilled by things I'd never think twice about back home, such as:

1. A comfy, fabric-upholstered couch with throw pillows.
2. Having multiple rooms in an apartment to walk in and out of.
3. Watching a movie on a TV screen.
4. The option of a shower or a bath.
5. Closets with sliding mirrored-glass doors and lighting that comes on automatically when you open the door.
6. Mold-free storage space in general.
7. Air conditioning all the time.
8. Falling asleep snuggled up under a soft comforter.
9. Being able to prepare food and store it safely out of reach of ants.
10. Bath mats.
11. Bookshelves and an entertainment center.
12. A bathroom sink with a hot water option.
13. A shower enclosed in its own little glass walls, as opposed to a shower head on the wall of a tiled room with nothing to separate it from the toilet and sink area.
14. Pots, pans, cutlery, dishes, a fridge, and drinking from glasses rather than water bottles.

We kept calling the place our penthouse, when it was really a very ordinary apartment by Western standards.

Pasta with fresh vegetables was a delight. So were the scrambled eggs and toast, fruit, muesli, and yogurt for breakfast. And sangria. Yum!

All in all, an excellent weekend.

something's fishy...

On Tuesday I was standing with the mom I tutor for, waiting for her daughter while she chatted with another mom. The other woman had two first graders - twin boys. They were sharing a bag of Big Sheet.

I've seen the kids munching on this stuff before. In its essence, Big Sheet is a crispy, paper-thin sheet of dried seaweed.

The twin in charge of holding the bag looked up at me with his big, sweet, brown eyes, shoved his hand into the bag, snatched a sheet, and offered it to me, beaming.

What choice did I have?

I accepted it and moved it closer to my mouth. It smelled like fish food.

I took a bite. It tasted like fish food.

He was watching me eat; I couldn't throw it in the shrubs. I ate an entire sheet of reconstituted, flattened fish food. Sick.

grammar lesson

One of my students approached me before class this morning.

Student: Teechah, what is 'duh' mean?
Me: Duh?
Student: *nods*
Me: Where did you hear that word?
Student: Like, 'I went to duh school.'
Me: Oh! 'The'!
Student: *nods* What is mean, 'duh'?
Me: The... well... "the" is an... article? And you use it with nouns because... um... It's an article.
Student: Thank you, teechah.

He might as well have asked me the meaning of life.

respect the earth, or else

Today, the primary grades participated in Environment Day.

Like most other things that happen at this school, I spent half of the time trying to figure out the point, and the other half laughing at how ridiculously executed things were.

Case in point: At one station, students learned how to turn perfectly good garbage bags into worthless bits of trash by cutting them up to make shirts and skirts. Good for the environment? Nope. Good for keeping little monkey children preoccupied for 30 minutes? Yep!

The English department covered the five Rs –- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Repair, and Reject. Students were meant to file through the station, learning about one R at each stop. At the end, they’d take a 15-question quiz of environment dos and don’ts. Ideally, learning would take place.

The Thai teachers in the English department believe the best and most effective way to convince children to learn is to bribe them with crappy, Chinese-made toys.

When the children stopped at our posters, we were supposed to make them answer a question in return for a plastic quarter, penny, nickel, or dime.

They would proceed to the prize table, where they could exchange their coins to pluck a paper leaf from one of hundreds of strings hanging overhead. Each leaf had a letter. They could find out what their mystery letter was and take a piece of junk from the corresponding prize table.

My station was “Repair.”

It started out OK. I read the definition of repair and gave the students examples of things that could be fixed rather than replaced. After about the second or third time I gave my spiel, I could clearly see that they didn’t understand or care.

Then Michael Jackson's "Heal the World" started blaring from one end of the English station. It was all downhill after that.

I couldn't help but feel like I was in theater of the absurd at times: Kristy at my left, trying to explain "hazardous waste" to first graders, Sukjai at my right, yelling in Thai on a megaphone, and some club song on the mix CD singing the word sexy over and over again. Appropriate for schoolchildren? Nope. Appropriate for Environment Day? Nope. Hilarious? Sure was.

We manned our stations from 9:00 to 11:30 this morning, and then after lunch from 1:00 to 2:50.

In the afternoon, my exchange with younger students generally went something like this:

“Repair.”
*silence, and a blank stare*
“Can you say, ‘Repair’? Re-paaaair.”
…
“Repair. Repair. Repair!”
…
“OK, kid, take your plastic dime and go.”



Or,



"Name two things you can repair."
...
"Two things... any two things."
...
"OK, just say a word."
...
"...Or, conversely, do a dance."
...


By the end, I was asking older kids to name a Michael Jackson song to get their token. And then I zoned out and started mentally rewriting "R-E-S-P-E-C-T."

R-E-C-Y-C-L-E,
Find out what it means to me,
R-E-C-Y-C-L-E,
Go on, save a tree!

Sort it for me, sort it for me, sort it for me, sort it for me
Sort it for me, sort it for me, sort it for me, sort it for me...