they're causing me alarm

Ants are an inevitability in any apartment in Bangkok. I was warned before I left the U.S., but I was unprepared for the irksome reality.

They crawl across the floor, on your bed, and up and down the tile bathroom walls. They're on the table. They're on the dresser. They're outside, inside, everywhere. They eat things. They are incredibly resourceful little beasties.

A few weeks ago, I was digging through one of my suitcases, looking for a shirt I had packed away. I noticed an ant, and wondered what business it had nosing around in my luggage.

I moved some shirts. More ants. I dumped everything out of the suitcase, trying to see what they were after. I found the answer in a mesh side pocket: A chewy peanut buttery granola bar.

I am baffled as to how they sniffed it out. Its shiny plastic package was unopened and zipped away in the bottom of a suitcase. When I inspected the wrapper, I could see tiny holes where ants had eaten through the plastic. I took it outside to my balcony and gingerly unwrapped it. They were swarming over the peanut butter deliciousness that was meant to be my going-home snack in April. Phooey.

That was the craziest thing I'd seen them do, until yesterday. I was putting a shirt in my laundry bag and noticed one of the little fiends crawling around in my dirty clothes. I pulled out a shirt and shook it. I took everything out of the bag and found three or four ants.

I inspected my clothes, because I'd heard the ants are attracted to sweat. A pair of brand new underwear had tiny little ANT HOLES in it. Grrrrrrrr. I was so mad!

I gave all the clothes a thorough shaking and laid them on a chair. I went on tidying my room, organizing my shelf and throwing things away. I moved an unopened box of tampons and saw an ant crawling along the seal.

What the heck?! I wondered.

I opened the box and ants swarmed out! I gave a yelp and dropped it. I dumped the contents out. Ants, ants, ants, crawling all over the stupid tampons! It didn't look like they had eaten through the wrappers, but what were they doing in there??

Like everything here, it's useless to fight it. You either adjust, or walk around in ant-eaten clothes. So, I'm going to start washing the sweat out of my clothes in the sink and hanging them up to dry before putting them in the laundry bag.

There are some things about Thailand I won't miss. Crazy sweat-eaters are one of them.