shopaholic

It just takes one look at Bangkok's shopping malls to know that Thai shoppers mean business. The two malls nearest my apartment, Siam Paragon and CentralWorld, make American shopping malls look like a joke.

According to Wikipedia, Paragon has 10 floors with 400,000 square meters of retail space. That's over 4 million square feet. CentralWorld has 11 million square feet of retail space. And these two malls are within walking distance of each other!

Shopping is the Thais' favorite hobby. They're pros. It used to boggle my mind; I was never a big shopper in the U.S.

Now that I'm home, I've found I have a much better understanding of the Thai shopping obsession.

I think it's due in part to the fact that life in Bangkok is basically one big shopping spree. As soon as you walk out the door, you're shopping. It can't be helped. The streets are lined with vendors selling anything and everything, from puzzles to ties, sunglasses to lingerie, massages, fresh honey, fake watches, donuts, flowers, cashews... everything!

In the last 10 months, I bought myself more earrings, scarves, and clothes than I know what to do with. Of course, now that I'm back in the land of the dollar, I've gotta curb my habit.

shopaholism

I've never been a big shopper. I'm a saver by nature. When I've got money, I don't like to let go of it. Plus, shopping is (almost always) a huge pain.

Thai people love shopping. It's what they do. All. The. Time.

A big expo of Thai handicrafts from all over the country came to town last Saturday and ends this weekend.

We went on opening day and spent nine hours there. NINE HOURS! My shoulders were in knots for days from lugging my purchases around.

I bought myself seven scarves. I'm from Texas. Winter is like two minutes long there. But they're silk, they're pretty, they're cheap (compared to silk in the U.S.), and I couldn't stop.

I also bought six or seven pairs of earrings. I lost count. I'd just go up to a jewelry stand, take a look, pick something, and pull out my wallet.

I got home and realized I hadn't bought any scarves for my mom, so Mariela and I are going back this Saturday to pick up a few last items.

waving the white flag

The "In case of fraud or deception, call the MBK hotline at this number..." signs posted on the fourth floor of the mall should have been my first hint.

I returned to MBK today planning to return my (probably) fake SanDisk flash drive and get my money back. I had every intention of being diplomatic, but negotiations broke down pretty quickly.

My first approach was the, "Oh, I took it home and then realized it was the wrong thing." The girl wasn't buying it, so I quickly moved on to the, "I changed my mind and I just don't like this one" excuse. No luck there, either.

I came out and said it: "I looked this flash drive up on SanDisk's Web site. I know this one is a fake, and I want to return it."

"No, no, not possible. No refunds or exchanges. But if you want to trade it for a Kingston..."

"No, I don't want to trade, I want my money back."

"I guarantee this is one million percent real SanDisk."

"That's not a percentage, and no, it isn't."

This went on for some time. I threatened to call the fraud hotline. She dared me to.

Some Spaniards came up wanting to buy camera batteries. She ignored me and moved over to help them. Irritated by her lack of couth, I figured I'd cost her some business.

I got the travelers' attention. "No deben comprar nada aqui... Son deshonestos." They looked at me, looked at her, put down the battery, and said, "Muchas Gracias."

"De nada."

They left. The lady turned back to me, furious. I certainly hadn't done myself any favors.

I walked toward the big, fat man at the back of the store. I asked him to please help me. I begged, I pleaded, I told him I was a teacher with no money. I said he could give me only 500, so that he'd still be making money and he could sell the drive to someone else. He refused to see reason.

A younger man - maybe his son? - came up to talk to me. I explained myself and got the same responses from him. I went back to the front to pester lady number one again.

She was still fuming. "Why you come and buy and then try to return? Why you tell my customers to go away so they don buy??"

A scary, older woman in gaudy jewelry, long fingernails, and a floral print shirt walked up. They started talking in Thai. They said they were going to get the mall police.

A girl sitting at the front suggested that I leave. She was shopping there and she spoke good English. I asked her if she could explain to the saleslady. She didn't want to get involved, and said the women might hit me.

"Hit me? Like, punch me? Are you serious??"

She was serious. So I kept my distance. Gaudy-jewelry lady pointed her finger in my face, and held it there, telling me to get out.

I kept telling them I'd leave and never bother them again if they'd just refund my money. They'd have none of it.

I was there for a good 40 minutes when I decided to find a mall help desk. I found two blue-suited ladies on the second floor, explained my plight, filed an official complaint, and walked back upstairs with them to show them the shop.

They walked inside to speak with the owner. I stayed just outside, trying to make myself scarce. They waved me in and the older lady gave me the most poisonous look I've ever seen.

In the end, the owner gave his guarantee of the drive's authenticity (which means... nothing). I was too exhausted to argue, and I was late for my dinner plans.

They win, this time. And I learned not to buy electronics from little shops in MBK.

ugh

Why is everything difficult?

I went to MBK to buy an 8GB flash drive today. I wandered around that awful, awful fourth floor between dozens and dozens of little electronics kiosks for 40+ minutes, trying my best not to get ripped off.

I found what looked to be a decent store with legitimate merchandise. I bought a SanDisk flash drive for 600 baht. The packaging looked normal and there were no misspellings or obvious giveaways, but I went home feeling a bit skeptical.

I got on SanDisk's Web site and looked up the drive I had bought. The last three digits of the product code did not match up with their Web site's information. I emailed tech support to see if there's a mistake, so we'll see.

I asked the woman at the store for a receipt, thank goodness, and I wrote down which store it was. I just really, really don't want to go back and have to finagle my money out of her... What a pain.

Dear Southeast Asia,

Could you please try not to rip me off at least once in the next seven months? Thanks.

Love,
Lauren

no words can describe...

I have new sympathy for non-English speakers in the U.S. Doing the most ordinary things becomes the biggest hassle when you can't communicate verbally.

Like buying a bar of shower soap. You have to play charades to find out whether it's hand soap or body soap. And figuring out which mascara is waterproof, and which is regular. Oh, and there's only one color of mascara here: jet black. Bah.

Also interesting (and annoying) -- Big C, the Thai Walmart, doesn't sell contact solution. They have food, clothes, electronics, makeup, toiletries... everything else... but not contact solution.

made in thailand

I just got home from the most enjoyable shopping trip I think I'll ever have in my entire life. I couldn't stop smiling.

On Thursday at school, one of the teachers told us about a market with handmade Thai goods from across the country at wholesale prices. She talked up this market all through lunch and said she'd take us there the next day.

On Friday, the Prathom (elementary school) teachers piled into a school van and headed to the market.

But market was really the wrong sort of word, because markets are hot,sweaty, tented places with crowds pushing you and vendors harassing you.

The Made in Thailand market was more like an expo. It was in a huge, lovely, air-conditioned building. There were wide aisles between each row of booths. You could stop in and look, and they wouldn't pester you to buy something if you weren't interested.

But I was interested. In all of it. I wanted to buy everything. It was all beautiful, unique, and handcrafted. I could have spent hundreds of dollars there easily.

We went back on our own today, because we didn't have enough time to see it all yesterday. We spent four and a half hours there. I could have stayed longer, but my shoulders were nearly dislocated from the weight of all my purchases.

The best part is, I was able to do almost all of my souvenir shopping in one trip. I have a few people left on my list, and about nine months to find gifts for them. No sweat.

The expo ends tomorrow, but it's coming back in December. I might have to make a second trip.

Now the question is: How in the world do I get all my nice (and bulky) gifts home?