I love WedMD

If I have symptoms -- any symptoms at all -- I like to use WebMD's Symptom Checker to figure out what horrible ill[nesse]s may have befalled me.

For one thing, clicking on the body parts and scrolling through every possible thing that could be wrong with each one is just fun. As a self-described hypochondriac, I naturally begin to imagine that, yes, yes, I do think that could possibly be a bald spot on my head.

But doctors hate self-diagnosers, right? I can imagine the sighs and rolled eyes when they see lists of diseases procured from the WebMD Syptom Checker.

Today's symptoms are dizziness and a slightly nauseated feeling. That's all. No headache. No fever. No vomiting. I don't want to go to the clinic on our grounds, or even a hospital, because doctors here do only two things: 1) neglect to listen to what you're telling them and 2) prescribe an antibiotic, along with three or four other medications.

WebMD suggests 20 possible conditions, including Meniere's disease, acute kidney failure, Botox injection, and esophagitis.

What should I do now?

influenza of the swinish variety

I don't know how things are going in the U.S., but here in Asia, people are freaked out by the swine flu.

Before we could leave our plane in Tokyo back in May, doctors in hazmat suits boarded carrying equipment straight out of the movie E.T. They walked up and down the aisles, pointing these infrared heat-detection devices at us to identify and detain the infected ones lurking surreptitiously among the healthy.

It's become a big joke with the Americans in our office. You can't cough when the Thai teachers are in the room. If you do (and this has happened at least once), a teacher will pull you aside, looking concerned, and tell you that you must go to the nurse's office and get a surgical mask.

On the bright side, the school finally decided that if teachers are sick, they should stay home.

The previous policy was this: If you're sick, get dressed and ready and board the van with all the other American teachers (thus exposing them to whatever you have). Once you're at school, don't teach your classes. Instead, go lie on a little bed in the nurse's office all day. At 4:00, go home like everyone else.

Of course, that was nonsense. But by now we've learned: while in Thailand, you must let go of your beloved Western rationality. It's of little help to you here.

Being sick in Bangkok is an alienating experience - like being a modern leper. Don't cough or sneeze on an elevator, in a bus, or in a public bathroom. People will shoot you a dirty look as if to say, "Why must you insist on ruining life for the rest of us?"

Last week, I went to the clinic on the grounds with a cold. When I described my symptoms to the woman at the desk in the waiting room, she immediately escorted me to a building across the street, where I was given a green surgical mask and made to wait outside. I felt like a menace to society.

Not all people in masks are sick, though. Many of them are fine - just paranoid about catching the flu.

Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...

"i went to thailand and all i got was this lousy prescription drug addiction"

If I could say one thing about the Thai health care system, it's that they aren't stingy with the pills.

I found myself back in the clinic today. On Friday afternoon, I started feeling sick. My throat was fine, but my nose was runny and my head felt stuffy. I spent all day Saturday and most of Sunday in bed, sneezing and coughing. Yesterday, I convinced myself that I was almost better and didn't need to see a doctor, but last night the snottiness hadn't improved.

By today, the coughing had stopped completely and the sneezing wasn't too bad, but the snot remained. I took my runny nose to the clinic with the idea of getting a simple decongestant. I left with five - count them, five! - medications.

A decongestant,
an antihistamine,
a pain/fever reducer,
a cough suppressant,
and an antibiotic.

Perhaps it's just that they haven't learned to combine medicines so that one prescription treats multiple symptoms.

I looked them up, and the antibiotic is used to treat pharyngitis, tonsillitis, pneumonia, acute maxillary sinusitis, Lyme disease, and a few other things. I suppose my cold could turn into sinusitis.

I'll definitely take the decongestant, and I might take the antibiotic. I won't be needing the rest, and I'm not sure why the doctor gave it to me in the first place, since I described one symptom to him.

Let's just hope I don't come down with anything more serious than the sniffles. Who knows what they'd give me!

i should probably eat more apples

I hate going to the doctor more than almost anything else. I put it off and put it off in hopes that whatever's wrong will fix itself.

And I don't have a lot of faith in the medical system here. Exhibit A: Jordan. He was having serious health problems after arriving, feeling weak and fainting a few times. He spends the night in the hospital and they send him home with Valium and muscle relaxers - when he was fainting (Eventually they determined that it was a potassium deficiency.)

Exhibit B: Ryan. Ryan had an ear infection. For the pain, the doctor gave him a prescription for arthritis meds.

Exhibit C: Little Girl at the school nurse's office. Little Girl cuts her finger in class. Kristy walks her down to the school nurse. When she sits down, Little Girl notices the blood on her hand and faints. The nurse starts doing CPR. Has she never seen a child faint before? We're not sure what to make of this incident.

Yesterday, my throat started feeling sore. I didn't want to deal with a week or more of discomfort - especially since my job involves shouting at a room full of children - so I decided to brave the palace grounds' clinic when it opened at 8:30 this morning. It's all free for us teachers - no copayment, and prescriptions are included and filled while you wait.

I walk in at three minutes after and the waiting room is already full. Full of sick people. Sick old people, sick young people, sick babies. They're all coughing and sneezing sickness into the air. As soon as I walk in, I feel worse than I did before.

I walk to the window, fill out a form, and sit down, looking at the clock. My first class starts at 9:20, so I have about 45 minutes. I'd left a note for Nummon telling her I might be late, so all my bases were covered.

I wait, and wait, feeling hot, irritated, bored, impatient, and occasionally flooded with self-pity. The man sitting to my left keeps shifting around in his seat and changing positions.

What is his deal? Does he have hemorrhoids??

My throat hurts. My stomach hurts. Do I have a fever? Is it strep?

I put my head in my hands. I stare at my shoes for awhile. They have blue chalk on them. It won't come off.

At 8:55 they call my name. I walk to the desk. They weigh me and take my blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. No fever. They tell me to sit back down.

At 9:22 I see the doctor. I tell him what's wrong, he looks at my throat, and says I have a couple of lacerations or ulcers at the back of my mouth that are making it hurt to swallow. No strep, no virus, no nothing. Just ulcers! He prescribed a foul-tasting spray to numb the pain.

I had to wait 10 minutes more to get my prescription.

The whole visit took about an hour, which, I guess, isn't too bad for walking in with no appointment. One point for Thailand's medical care.

Lunch is over and now it's time for my favorite thing - grading!